He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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