She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize