And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
