Buhtt sex?
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
