I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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