So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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