and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
