Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
