My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
