thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
