Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Randomize
