remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
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