The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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