All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
