is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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