Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
bring money and cleavage
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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