So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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