The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Randomize
