but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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