You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Randomize
