i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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