I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
