The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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