Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Nobody cheats on THIS.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
