Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
