He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Randomize
