Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
