she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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