he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
either way he was missing a nipple.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
i need some magic done to my vagina
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
