you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Randomize
