Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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