I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
