My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
