I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
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