I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Randomize
