We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
