the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
