remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Randomize
