theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
