I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Randomize