Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
