"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
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