Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
