No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
The feeling are messing with the penis
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
