I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
