pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
