Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
