Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
