I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
