Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
