it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
where are you?
Hypothermia
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
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