We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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