My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
