I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
last night I used snow as a chaser
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
