Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
