I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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