four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
