Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
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