Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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