Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
