The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
my liver is dry heaving
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
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