i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
