Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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