Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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