gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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