I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
There are leaves in my underwear?
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