Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
