whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Randomize
