i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Randomize
