You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I wish they made helmets for livers.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
