Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
