I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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