his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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