Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize