This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
