What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
