FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Randomize
