Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
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