Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
