my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
