Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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