shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
