My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize