Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Randomize
