flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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