I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
