: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Randomize
