dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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