I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
