In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
