I'm laying in your front yard are you home
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
