After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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