I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
My ATM looks so different sober.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
