Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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