That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I have post one night stand depression
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